I hate the holidays. They seriously depress me beyond words! There's also been a lot of drama lately too! Well, my boyfriend's mom seems to think I'm a "bad influence" and that ever since he's been with me, he's done a lot of lying and stuff like that, which isn't my fault what so ever. She told me I was to have no contact with her son at all. It seriously makes me mad, because I did nothing wrong! I just don't see how a parent could do that to his/her own child, because eventually, he won't want anything to do with them, and it will be their fault. Oh well. Not my problem.

Well, it's been awhile since i updated. Shit has just been a little crazy lately. Me and my boyfriend of 3 months broke up then got back together, & i'm beyond happy, but his family is on a mission to destroy our relationship. Like they don't even care about anyone but themselves and it's really depressing ): But I don't care what anyone says. We are going to be together no matter what. But anyway,. My son is 13 months old now. He is just growing up too fast. His dad could give two shits about him, & it really bothers me because one day Tyler is going to ask why his daddy was never around and I'm not going to be the one explaining to him why. It's not my place. I love that little boy more then life itself. I'd give my life to him if it meant he would live forever. I never realized it was possible to love someone this much, and be loved in return. But Tyler is well off without his "sperm donar". Lately, I've also been thinking about my life in general. Sometimes I wish I could just run far far away, & never look back. I take way to many things for granted.  I need to start thinking more about other people and not just myself all of the time.

On another note, February 11th, is going to be two years since Jake and David passed ): It's really depressing. No one should have to burry their best friends. I miss them so much. I wish I could have said goodbye. Hung out with them one more time, hug them one more time. It's not fair ): Why did they have to go? Why them & not me? I know I can't blame it on myself, because it wasn't my fault, but I just wish there was something I could have done.

I know they are looking down on me, so here is a letter to them:

Dear Jake & David, I miss yo both more then life itself. I wish you could be here to see your nephew grow up. I realize it was your guys time to go, but why then? I know you guys are looking down on me, & I know neither of you would want to see me cry. So I cry inside. I remember all the times we had together. Like when you guys threw me in the river, and Jake told me he would save me. God, I just want you both to know, I love you guys, and I'll never forget you. Never !